Is it Monday?

It’s 8:40am and I already have blog fodder from today. That is not right.

My husband called my name (more than once) while I was still in bed. In bed, ignoring him, because I was asleep. When he kept getting louder, I finally got up grumbling “What?!” thinking the there better be something major going on or heads were going to roll.

(Aside: Have I mentioned how much I love sleep and that the later I get to sleep the happier I am? This was 45 minutes before my alarm was supposed to go off.)

“The (house) alarm won’t turn off,” he said.

So I did what any grumpy spouse would do, I tried to turn it off myself. Nothing. It was showing that the alarm was activated, meaning we couldn’t open any doors, and it wouldn’t take our code. We were basically trapped. Yay.

I called the alarm company, which was closed (because it was so freaking early) and got a 24-hour help number. Called that number and got a recording saying he was helping another customer (which I took to mean he wasn’t answering his phone because he was asleep because it was so freaking early.)

Then the alarm starting asking for access codes and beeping intermittently. With growing intensity. Until we were at full tilt steady ear-piercing beep. (I will note here, that the whole house alarm was not going off, thank goodness, just the ear-bleeding control panel.)

I called the 24-hour number again and kind of held the phone to the alarm to make his ears bleed too show the intensity of our problem.

Then I assaulted the control panel with unkind words and pushed some random buttons and it stopped.

Next I called the 1-800 number for the central station to report “issues” but the 1-800 number I dialed told me about some other 1-800 number for constant companionship or some other skanky sounding thing. Ewww. Called the alarm company again to get the number again and realized I had misheard the number the first time – go figure, my ears weren’t working properly.

So I called the right 1-800 number and they basically told me what I thought they would, which was that they could not give me any technical advice. We decided to put the system on test for a few hours so that we didn’t have the police show up on our doorstep. She asked my phone number, which I could not remember.

Seriously, I stared at the home phone wondering what the last four digits were. Then I panicked that they would think I was a robber and send the police anyway. I ran to ask Mike our phone number and he didn’t know it either, so he checked his phone. I had told her a number by now that sounded close, but not quite right. Turned out I was off by one digit.

Mornings are not my best time. Ahem.

And my ears were still ringing.

I did remember our password, and finally got the phone number right, so that part was taken care of. (I know she hung up and looked at the person in the next cubicle and said “That idiot didn’t even know her own phone number.”)

After 25 minutes of not getting a phone call back and my husband getting more and more annoyed, I finally took matters into my own hands. I opened the back panel (which I know how to do because I replaced the alarm battery yesterday – aha – you say – this makes more sense now. Yes, the battery needed to be replaced, but I followed their directions exactly and the alarm was fine last night.) I opened the panel and removed the battery. Then I went to the main power source, unscrewed the safety screw and unplugged the damn thing.

Ahhhh, no more beeping. No more blaring. No one puts baby in a corner.

Aaaand 4 minutes later the service tech called. I had to plug it back in and the beeping started again. Tears, people. Tears from my eyes and more blood from my ears. OK, not really, but I was not a happy person.

Turns out the alarm “reset” itself to factory settings. So our code didn’t work because it had no idea what our code was. We used the factory code and it happily shut off.

So while we wait for a technician to come reprogram, I’m going to take a handful of Advil for the ear pain.

Before Maggie left this morning she looked at me and said “You need a nap today. A long, long nap.”

Word.

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3 responses to “Is it Monday?

  1. Oh my goodness.
    I’m thinking you needed more than a long, long nap.

  2. I don’t know my home phone number either if it makes you feel any better!

  3. I think you should be allowed to bill the alarm company for the hearing aids you’ll now need to buy.

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