Let me begin by saying that I hope I do justice to the debacle that was this morning.
Maggie came into my room at 6am sharp to ask if it was morning yet. I looked at the clock and agreed we could all get up. As this was happening I realized I had left a lot of nit-picky things for this morning that I usually get done the night before – such as making lunches, getting my things together, and having my to-do list ready to start crossing off. Not today. Today we were going to fly by the seat of our pants. Ohhh, if only we had pants on.
Maggie quickly pointed out that Nicholas’ diaper has leaked. In my bed. So just the other day I said the only way to get clean sheets in my house was to pee in them. So he did. Grumble, grumble. OK, I’ll deal with that after I get the kids to school.
I took off his diaper.
Mind you, I had his new diaper and all his clothes ready to go. As I was ready to put the diaper on I thought to myself -self, he’s going to poop in this diaper and you’re going to have to change him again before school. Oh, well. Not much you can do about that. If only I was that lucky…
He motioned to the bathroom, and we headed that way since he likes to sit on the potty sometimes in the morning. Maggie and I trooped into the bathroom and I turned around to find him right behind us. Covered in poop. OK, not totally covered. Much of it was left on the bedroom floor. And then there were footprints in the bedroom, the hallway, and into the bathroom. In less than 6 seconds my child had gotten poop out of his body and into three rooms of my house. And had no idea. He was oblivious.
I sent my third in command (Maggie) to get my second in command (hubby). She said he was already gone. I now had Nick in the tub and was trying to decide what to do next.
I read a blog a few months ago detailing almost this exact scenario. I laughed so hard when I read it I had tears streaming from my eyes. I sent it to my mom. She laughed til she cried too. Now it was freaking happening to me! Unbelievable. But at least I had some idea of what to do next. (That poor soul figured out her child was about to poop and caught it in her hands and then realized she was in a room behind a closed door and couldn’t open the knob…)
Maggie watched Nick in the tub for 30 seconds while I found hubby. I said “Don’t be alarmed, but I could use your help upstairs for a few minutes.” Then I flew back up the stairs to make sure he had not drowned in the two inches of water in the tub. (I’m pretty sure with Nick’s girth he wouldn’t even be able to get his mouth to the water without trying really, really hard.)
Hubby came up and got Nick cleaned off in the tub while I tried to clean the footprints and dispose of the two steamy piles in the bedroom. I change poopy diapers all the time. Nick had a magic button on his head yesterday – every time I touched him, he pooped. I changed his diaper all day long. I won’t say that I love it. It’s not the worst thing I have done by far (think vomit), but there is something so wrong about it being right there in the middle of the floor. So, so very wrong.
And this was all before I had a chance to go to the bathroom or brush my teeth.