oh, the irony

My children don’t know how to eat candy.  It cracks me up.  It’s not like they have never had candy (well, Nicholas hasn’t had much, but Maggie has been around for a couple Halloweens, Easters, and Valentine’s Days.)  This Halloween, though, has been a riot.  Maggie has never seen some of the types of candy she is eating.  She actually asked me “How do I eat this?” holding up a giant tootsie roll.  I said “Chew, chew, chew.”  A moment later she said “It’s working!”  Same thing with Milk Duds.  I think she decided they were too much effort because she gave me the rest of the mini-box.

Nicholas kept trying to give people candy from his pumpkin as we trick-or-treated.  It was pretty cute.  At other houses he non-verbally begged for more and was handsomely rewarded, only to try to give it away at the next house.  He got to have a Tootsie sucker when we got home.  He sucked for a minute or two, just enough to get some purple drool going.  Then he picked it up by the sucker part and sucked on the stick.  He walked away and we couldn’t find the sucker, but discovered it stuck to the leg of his costume.  His other big treat for the night was a piece of Kit Kat.  He promptly sat down once he got a taste of that.  He was so happy he smiled this huge smile and drooled brown chocolate goo down his chin and all over his shirt.  The phrase “pig in shit” comes to mind.

Maggie has enough candy that if we adhere to the couple of pieces a day plan, she will have some left for next year.  But have no fear, mom will step in and do my duty to rid her bucket of candy after she goes to sleep.

The irony of it all is that I eat chocolate.  Every day.  EVERY day.  No lie.   I hide it in the cabinet.  I eat it when they aren’t looking.  I eat it when they are asleep.  I eat it when they wander into the other room.  I eat it when they watch TV shows.  I am an expert.  And they have so much to learn.  Someday I will sit them down and we will have “the talk” – you know the one – which chocolates are good, which ones are waxy and should be avoided, which ones are sweeter, which ones have the good caramel in them.  It will be a long, important talk and I have to save it for when they will appreciate it.  Until then I will let them eat a piece here and a piece there, knowing the master has much to teach.

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